Words, Words, Words...

justcallmepip @ 2008-05-06T20:08:00

2008-05-07T03:26:51Z

Warning livejournal pirates--

Here be monsters.

So many things have happened, good things--Tour has started rehearsals, finished rehearsals, opened, closed, and begun touring around the state. I have auditioned for and been accepted to the BFA program at my school. I haven't posted about them, and that's too bad, because really, it's very good.

I hate for this to be the post I make after a long absence. But for months, before spring quarter even, I've been thinking... Is this worth it, do i want this, has this ever really made me happy, am I any good at it anyway and how much longer can I take it?

I am so, so, tired. Today I met with my new advisor, who said some things to me that I already knew (lose weight, connect better, find more levels, get some fucking confidence). We started talking a little bit about my difficulty connecting, and, as has been my habit lately, unbidden and unprompted tears start pricking. I'm sitting in front of the head of performance and I'm about to cry for no really logical reason. I hold it off for a long, long time before I lose it, and she tells me all sorts of things that are supposed to be reassurances--I saw this coming in your eyes, it's good that you're crying, it means you've got a ton of emotion welling up.

Only in theatre, right?

So I'm sitting and crying and she's telling me how it's been obvious to everyone that I'm checking out, and has been for a long time. That I'm living only half (if that) in myself, and mostly taking this outside perspective and not letting myself feel. And all sorts of other things. This concludes with her telling me I can't do anything until I become at least marginally okay with myself, and assigns me 10 daily affirmations--every night I write down 10 good things about myself. She warns me that I'll find myself experiencing a lot of emotion (and we have a very excellent counselling center if that gets to be too much, she says).

On the way home I start thinking about it, but now she's opened the floodgates. I'm going through tears and panic and just angry bloodthirsty rage at myself, walking through the surc trying to look normal (which is impossible, because by trying to suppress it I only make it more apparent, and when my eyes start to redden they become an alarming neon green that looks like I've been computer generated for some video game). This was six o'clock, it's now 8:30 and it hasn't stopped.

And I'm just tired. Always tired, done with this. I want it to end, NOW. All this misplaced unhappiness, all this ridiculous negativity that I don't have to deal with, if only I could stop it. I'm sleepy and want to enjoy life again and stop sitting alone in my room where the other people pretend I don't exist. I want to feel like I'm loved and feel confident that my presence is welcomed. and I just don't know what to do about it. How long have I been dealing with this? Why do I have to keep dealing with it, every night, why can't I have a night off once in a while?

I'm tired.

justcallmepip @ 2008-04-01T18:43:00

2008-04-02T01:45:41Z

So somebody posted a mean comment on my singing for actors video. I won't post it, but it made me sad. Cause I didn't really ask for criticism and it was meant for my family and friends, and they didn't even say anything constructive. But I guess it's something I"m going to have to get really, really used to, isn't it?

I haven't posted anything in FOREVER. I might continue to not post. But I'm still readin' y'alls journals so... keep on posting!

I's a singer now!

2008-01-30T03:19:18Z

Hey friends! So my Singing for Actors class has taken to recording the students in their workshops. So you all should listen to me sing! Don't watch the video, cause it's boring cause it's not the best quality and my arms are weird... Just listen to it. Then you alls should post what YOU'RE doing at college in a fun media format! Do it!!!

This is "Stars and the Moon" from Jason Robert Brown's "Songs For a New World." He wrote such musicals as "The Last Five Years," for those of you familiar with that show ;) It is similarly wonderful.

justcallmepip @ 2008-01-14T23:26:00

2008-01-15T07:48:06Z

Well, a very exciting thing happened.

I was cast in The Adventures of Don Quixote, the touring children's show next quarter.

Basically, it's a five-person cast who does nothing but this particular play all next quarter, rehearsing 8 hours a day for 3 weeks, then hits the road for two and a half months. We come back at night and weekends unless it's necessary, but we go to elementary schools all over the state. Anybody remember the plays that used to come to LFP? Basically, it's like that.

I'll be performing for 25,000 people, mostly children. Technically they aren't supposed to cast freshmen, and it's definitely screwing with my credits, but I'm thrilled nonetheless. I'll most likely be playing a role my dad played around my age, too.

Anyways, it's cool.

In other news, I think I'm going to try to become a Passion Parties consultant. I need a job with very flexible hours, and I think that's a great way to do it. plus, I like sex and sex related items, and I imagine other people do too. They should buy them from me ^^

Gettin' fit for America

2008-01-10T02:19:30Z

So now I have an especially good reason to go to the rec center: My scale is broken. About ten pounds broken, actually. I freaked out for a while before realizing that A, I could not have gained ten pounds in a week, especially considering how little I've been eating and B, Kamarie already told me it was broken yesterday. So now, since I have to record my weight loss for my health essentials class, I just have to go to the gym and weigh myself there. My first spinning class is at 7:00 AM tomorrow. *teh suck.*

i did my first dance class today and it was mind-blowingly exhausting... but it was good. I couldn't walk so well, but I suppose that'll improve with time!

Thus begins my adventure into the world of fitness.

justcallmepip @ 2008-01-07T20:05:00

2008-01-08T04:11:12Z

Hello my friends!

A small update!

I was nominated for an Irene Ryan!

It's freakin' awesome!

In about a month I'm getting on a bus with my scene partner and other nominees to go to Laramie, Wyoming (yeah... that Laramie, Wyoming...) to perform a scene (or a series of scenes and a monologue, depending on how I do) for potential scholarships and awards. This kicks ass, and is awesome. Unfortunately, it also means I have about a month to prepare it all, which is not very much. But my scene partner will make sure we are more than ready (he's a bit addicted to rehearsal)... and we'll get to see fun things at the festival and all and... life is very very good.

Hooray for 22 hour bus rides.

Christmas

2008-01-02T08:12:58Z

For Christmas, my boyfriend made me a quilt. My boy picked out material and sewed together by machine and by hand a quilt for my Christmas present. It took him three days of pretty intensive labor doing something he's totally unfamiliar with. He'd never sewn anything before, and worked with his mother to learn to quilt just so he could make this present for me. He picked reds, greens, and browns to represent my "earth" element, and surrounded it with a blue water patterned cloth to represent our shared "water" element. He even did creative things like use the backs of certain patterns to make them fit into his color scheme.

Now I have a blanket to take with me back to Ellensburg, put together by my boy's own hands. How wonderful is that?

Opening Night, Vandalism, Coincidence and Boys

2007-11-20T18:28:05Z

So, here's a major update post. It's full of some pretty crazy stories.

We opened A Christmas Carol on Friday. Aside from some technical problems (jerky flying, the trap breaking and Christmas Yet To Come almost falling to his death), opening was great. We were well-received by everybody, and I've gotten some very positive feedback. Kip and I, in good spirits, headed out to my car to make the "quick" (four hour) run to Seattle and back to pick up Zach (more on that later). As we made our merry way, singing and joking, I hardly paid any attention to anything as I went to unlock the car door. From behind me, I hear Kip ask,

"Hey Amanda, what's that on your car antennae?"

We both stared at it in confusion and then disgust as it dawned on us that somebody, for some unknown reason, had decided to put a duck's head on my car antennae. Yes, that is exactly what it sounds like: Someone decapitated a duck, probably the result of some hunting that had been done, and put its head on my car antennae. The blood that had dripped from it onto the side of my car was still quite red, I could tell even in the dark, so whoever had done it had done it recently. We stood there stunned for a while, trying to figure out if this was just a very unfunny joke or if it was meant to be a threat. Kip thought it might be because he's gay, I thought it might be because my mom's gay, but neither of those reasons really made any sense. So after some frantic discussion, we went back into our dorm to find an RA. She recommended we call the police, which I did, and thankfully they arrived quickly. While we were waiting for them we discovered that two other cars also had duck heads on their antennae, all in the same basic area that my car had been in. The police looked at it sort of nonchalantly, then lifted it off by the bill (Ellensburg born and raised, they didn't even use a napkin) and put it in a brown paper bag. I'm only glad I caught it that night instead of a week later when it would've been less of a head than a lump of decomposing flesh.

Now that's what I call vandalism.

Then, Saturday, my dad came up to see the show. He brought with him a gift that had a very interesting story attached to it. It was an 1890 printing of Dickens' Christmas stories he'd found on eBay (for those who don't know, I heart Charles Dickens). Normally books like these go for hundreds if not thousands of dollars, being bid on by Dickens lovers everywhere. My dad placed the first bid at eleven dollars. No one else bid against him.

So my dad thinks, wow, somebody really wants Amanda to have this book. He gets it in the mail and finds a note in the back, folded up with twelve dollars, apologizing for the rabbit nibbles on the edge of the book and asking that my dad not tell this poor woman's husband what happened. He tried to find a way to contact her without going through her husband but couldn't find anything. So basically, we got this 1890 printing for free.

Then my dad opens up the cover. On the inside is a name written in cursive. The name? Wait for it....

James Keough. That's right. This book was owned previously by a Keogh. Though the spelling can differ from region to region they all come from the same root. How insane is that?

My mom comes the next day bearing cookies and an OFFICIAL Linus security blanket. Which is very soft and amazingly warm and lovely. Since she was the first to ask about Zach, I'm going to make this my official announcement to all my lj friends:

Zach Sanders (whom you Bathhouse people may know was Gandalf, YSW people as Lear and Shorecrest people as nobody in particular) and I have been a pair for some time now. It was the result of a VERY complicated situation between the two of us and his ex girlfriend, Irene, which I won't go into. Needless to say, it's been a time of big realizations about myself and about other people in my past. I tried a lot of things to make everybody else happy but that all ended up falling apart, and in the end I had to make the choice that was going to make me happy. So I did, and this is it.

So now you know. Thus are the adventures of Amanda Keogh.

justcallmepip @ 2007-10-21T23:27:00

2007-10-22T06:31:10Z

Brought Kip home this weekend to meet the family, and what an interesting weekend it was. Mom forgot he was coming, so we spent the first night sleeping on my tiny bed, which is probably smaller than the beds we have here in the dorms. Family loves kip, kip loves family, much indian food, fondue, and cookies were eaten.

Took him to Jet City to meet my boy (whom most of you don't know about and will probably eventually come to learn about but not now because the beginning of this has been a very strange, stressful and life-changing experience but oh, god, is it worth it) and had a fun time watching the actors get drunk and improvise.

Midterms for Intro to Theatre tomorrow. Bleeeeeech.

justcallmepip @ 2007-10-20T15:47:00

2007-10-20T22:56:41Z

Oh em gee.

Dumbledore is gay.

Rowling even said so.

Look it up.

In her fantastic words, "Oh my god, the fanfiction."

justcallmepip @ 2007-09-26T22:26:00

2007-09-27T05:42:30Z

College is marvelous. I got called back for Christmas Carol and

BUM BA DA DUUUMMM!

I have been cast as Belle, the fiance of young Ebeneezer Scrooge. It's a really great part, I'm very eager to play it. Any of you willing should definitely come see it if your schedules allow. Come see Amanda as a real ingenue!

Told y'all I nailed my monologue.

Other than that... There are a lot of really cute, sweet boys out here, and I like them. We shall see what will unfold in the coming year.

AND, I met Kip. Kip deserves a paragraph all to himself. Kip is a very flamboyant ex-music major (I told him about the musical theatre major and it was all over) who loves showtunes and is an excellent singer. We spent two hours today singing with/to/around each other, not including the hours spent outside the music hall. We literally spent every break we had together--and we're in the play, which means I pretty much was with him for twelve hours today. Songs sung included "Fantasies Come True" from Avenue Q, "My Unfortunate Erection" and "Woe is Me" from 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee (his favorite musical), and "Shiksa Goddess" from The Last Five Years. Good times.

Rehearsal for the last few days has been rather monotonous, mostly practicing Christmas carols in four part harmony. Today, however, we had a movement rehearsal. AMAZING. Spent the entire time in a full-length corset, which means you don't bend over and you perch instead of sitting. First we walked around a lot. Ladies can only move with escorts, and my drama teacher, Keith, who is playing Scrooge, came over and escorted me for a while. We engaged in a lot of "polite" conversation, where we discussed how poverty and war were not actually words and wouldn't it be nice if we could simply kill the impoverished. I suggested government-ordained homicidal holidays, including (those involved with Rope may remember) Strangulation Day and Cut-A-Throat Week.

"Imagine," I said, in a musical victorian tone, "Your landlord comes to collect the rent, and instead of giving it to him, you simply kill him?"

Keith was very amused, but I think slightly troubled, and soon passed me off to Bob Cratchit. As that is my favorite character from the story, I did not mind.. I felt clever even though my jokes were entirely stolen. But, as my father always says, your real talent at being funny is your ability to cover your sources.

Then we played some Victorian parlor games, which were great and we will play them sometime, count on it.

OhAndAlsoICuddledPrettyHardcoreWithTheOperaSingerGuyItWasAmazing. Fin.

justcallmepip @ 2007-09-19T21:01:00

2007-09-20T04:29:09Z

So I managed to get through almost my first week of college and haven't posted anything about it. Too bad, I don't feel like it now. There have been crazy potsmoking guys in the halls, there have been craaazy parties, there has been tobaccochewing roommate and her boyfriend, there's been food good and food not so good (bite of the burg: awesome.). There's been Caity calling wanting to visit! There's been me wanting others to visit. There's been monologuing and wassailing.

There's been cute boys who sing Italian opera to me with the voices of gods

There's been one kick ASS audition with a total NAILING of monologue and song by me. Hells yes.

There's been meeting new people and feeling special when they recognize me and not my fellow freshmen (heh heh heh).

There's been creating of a new image by reading all the time and appearing studious and mild-mannered.

Basically, college is good. Ellensburg is lovely. Life goes on.

justcallmepip @ 2007-09-10T22:22:00

2007-09-11T05:24:09Z

I was talking to my dad just now. The conversation went something like this:

Dad: You know what would be fun to watch this weekend?
Me: ... I won't be here.
Dad: No, this weekend.
Me: Yeah, I'm gone Friday.
Dad: ... Next Friday.
Me: No, This friday, the 14th.
Dad: ... I thought it was next Friday.

So now I feel just terrible, because my dad thought I had a whole other week at home. And he's the one who I think is taking this the hardest. Arg, I feel just awful about it.

justcallmepip @ 2007-08-29T22:02:00

2007-08-30T05:15:08Z

Ohio was lovely--real homemade meals every day, cicadas singing day and night. Sudden flash storms that attacked and died in ten minutes. Family I never get to see. it was amazing.

Going to the cabin was also fun. We went hiking, up a two mile trail (in flats...) to a "lake", which turned out to actually be a huge slope covered in rocks and tall grass which cleverly disguised holes in the ground that LEAD to a giant lake at the bottom. After braving this terrifying slope and slicing our feet and ankles nicely, we arrived at the bottom to find the icy cold lake, which I dunked myself in to out-man the boys who were standing ankle-deep and screaming. Of course Calder then took up the challenge and went a bit of a distance, but still. I was the first to brave the icy water ^^.

Then, in the dark, making our way back up the mountain, to the path. Everyone helped each other, we came up with strategies to keep track of one another. We sang, we stumbled, eventually we made it back to the cabin where we shivered and ate chicken and bread with butter. Of course, my wet pants soaked through my bag, which was resting on my hip, and dampened the front of my journal--my walking created friction which slowly rubbed a lot of the beautiful peacock design off. As much as I tell myself that the damage gives it character, looking at it now is somewhat painful. At least the paper inside was untouched... it's the words that count. Right...?

Wonderful things have been happening, things I don't understand and don't care to any longer. What will be will be. Delicious.

justcallmepip @ 2007-08-23T14:38:00

2007-08-23T18:40:11Z

Young Frankenstein is. Incredible. You should all go see it while it's still here (moving to Broadway September 1st!). it's the next producers--pretty literally. Roger Bart (OH MY GOD ROGER BART!) was amazing, every so often I'd think, "OMIGODITSSNOOPYAHHHH!" but for the most part I just loved him. Incredible effects--"Roll in Ze Hay," "Puttin' on the Ritz," everything. Just. Amazing.

Aside from that, Ohio has been nice. Eating real home-cooked food, only have to eat two meals a day which is great, getting up with the sun and down with it too. However, my life has been overshadowed by a certain event, which leads to other certain events, which makes me extremely anxious for my return Tuesday. I can say no more other than it's DRIVING ME CRAZY and AUUUGGHHH how incredible life can be, eh?

justcallmepip @ 2007-08-16T22:40:00

2007-08-17T05:45:32Z

So, the project is underway:

This winter break, Kayla, Zach and I will attempt to put on a stage production of Stephen King's "Misery." It's going to require some creative re-writing and staging, but we will do it.

This is one those of you who will be around won't want to miss: It features an author who, having survived a terrible car crash, is rescued by his "number one fan," Annie Wilkes. She nurses him slowly back to health, but, upon reading his newest book where he kills her favorite character, decides to keep him around. She forces him to write a new book according to her specifications. The play follows the two of them, as he grows more and more desperate to escape and she grows more and more desperate to keep him there--forever. More on this later, but it should be an incredible show.

justcallmepip @ 2007-08-01T23:47:00

2007-08-02T07:01:18Z

Today, my mother, Karen, Karen's friend Leann, my two sisters and myself headed up to Canada. We drove up north, through the border into Vancouver to a pretty house by the beach. In that house was a little sweet woman who married my mother and Karen together officially.

I don't feel that there's much that needs to be said for it, it simply was. Afterwards, over champagne, my mom asked if I knew a sonnet or anything that would be appropriate. I'd halfway finished saying "No," when I suddenly realized that I did, actually, know a sonnet just perfect for the moment. So instead of saying anything else, here is that sonnet, in honor of the day.

Sonnet 116, William Shakespeare

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments; love is not love
That alters when it alteration finds
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no! It is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken.
It is the star to ev'ry wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although it's height be taken.
Love's not time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come
Love alters not with its brief hours and weeks
But bears it out even unto the edge of doom.
If this be error, and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

justcallmepip @ 2007-07-26T15:51:00

2007-07-26T22:57:08Z

HP UPDATE

Finished Chapter 19.

I love Ron.

Because Everybody's Taking It...

2007-07-26T17:18:17Z

I, too, have taken the sorting hat test.

Your Score: GRYFFINDOR!

You scored 20% Slytherin, 24% Ravenclaw, 52% Gryffindor, and 36% Hufflepuff!

You might belong in Gryffindor,

Where dwell the brave at heart,

Their daring, nerve, and chivalry

Set Gryffindors apart.

Gryffindors are known for their courage, audacity, and devotion to what is good and honest.

Link: The Sorting Hat Test written by leeannslytherin on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

justcallmepip @ 2007-07-22T23:03:00

2007-07-23T06:10:26Z

HP UPDATE #3:

Sister has finished Harry Potter book.

Is satisfied with ending.

Now is time for me to read.

Friends coming over in morning to watch old plays (Mother Hicks and Jungalbook from me). May be very tired in morning from reading.

Chapter ten awaits.

justcallmepip @ 2007-07-22T20:24:00

2007-07-23T03:30:21Z

Heard sister making sounds in room.

Thought sister was talking on phone.

Went in sister's room to steal Harry Potter.

Sounds were actually sister crying over book.

Am nervous.

Still no Harry Potter book to read.

justcallmepip @ 2007-07-22T00:40:00

2007-07-22T07:47:22Z

Problem.

Thought HP books were ordered for all children.

Were not.

Only one in Keogh household.

Is Eden's.

Mandy's is being shipped from England.

Had first seven chapters read aloud at HP party last night.

Must know what happens.

Three dead already (maybe?).

Afraid to read LJ because of potential spoilers as people finish.

Afraid to talk to friends who have finished book.

Who woulda thought this would be so difficult!?

justcallmepip @ 2007-07-18T22:42:00

2007-07-19T05:53:04Z

So I went to CWU's freshman orientation. I am officially registered for my fall 2007 classes. It's so bizarre to actually be doing this, to think that in a few months I'm essentially on my own... albeit in the middle of fuckin' nowhere.

My schedule is essentially this:

Theatre
Theatre
Theatre
Theatre plus academic counseling
English
Theatre (With sewing!)

I may have put one too many "theatre" classes there, but that's essentially it. It's like freakin' camp, only with more sex and booze. Plus you get grades and a diploma for it. And a free gym, with $1 classes, which I plan to take full advantage of. A year from now, you all won't even recognize me, I'm gonna be a fightin' machine. Also there's a giant climbing wall.

I'm already planning care packages for my boys--haven't even really thought about the girls yet. Actually it may just be the one girl (Hi megan!). Everybody else will just have to deal. I can only make so many care packages. I'm just sad that most of them are going to be miles and miles and often even states away when I turn 18. That's the day that your old buddies are supposed to take you out and do terrible, terrible things with you.

Man oh man. This is going to be good. Adult life, here I come.

justcallmepip @ 2007-07-15T17:04:00

2007-07-16T00:12:14Z

Today hasn't been a fantastic day so far. Though the show went well, one of the guys in the cast lost my class ring, which we were using as a favor that I give to Edmund, which he later passes to someone else. Don't know if their protection plan would cover that. Then I was pretty well torn apart in front of and by several friends. Finally I find out that what I thought was a confirmation letter to my college orientation was in fact not a confirmation letter, and that I may actually not be going to orientation after all. Which sucks because that's where I am supposed to register for classes and all that. so generally, not a happy time for me.

justcallmepip @ 2007-07-12T23:36:00

2007-07-13T06:47:47Z

Today was pretty awesome. Long, long rehearsal, during which surprisingly little rehearsing was done. Got to hang out with lots of people sorta one-on-one, which I haven't had much chance to do in the past. Then we played duck-duck-moose, which is like duck-duck-goose only instead of just running to your spot, you have to tackle the other person and wrestle your way into the spot. Needless to say, I was not very good at this game. My neck and lower back hurt (thanks Eli and Calder, respectively), and my ear is somewhat bruised (that one's James), but it was still really, really fun. Many boys appreciated it when Irene and I wrestled (her boyfriend in particular). I just liked having some play context to goof around with. We pretty much were laughing crazily the whole time.

Then a large group of people decided they needed to convince me that I am attractive, which, while flattering, is extremely awkward to deal with (particularly when one of the people questioned on my attractiveness is a good friend's boyfriend). It was nice anyway. One of the guys in the cast has been wooing me a bit. He is very sweet.

I'm overdrawn again. Money is an issue. I don't like it.